Maggy Henry: Poetry collection 

Our favourite #3

I was never so sure then when I was leaving 

Never missed you more then when I was away 

I still have that feeling 

You healed something in me that you didn’t cause 

You did it with open arms

You never left 

But I went swiftly in the cold of February 

Now I’m the one wondering 

I never feel more at home then when I’m gone

Can’t remember when you came and went cause you never really left 

If I could I would love you 

Could I choose a better time for us 

Time was never the problem 

I just hope you’re happy now 

For some reason I don’t believe you are 

I’m sick, I just want to be loved but can’t fall 

Even now I’m writing and I don’t know what I’m thinking about 

Or who, emotionally manipulate 

Is that who I am 

I’m so scared of loosing myself 

I have no control and I can’t let go 

Your hockey number was 3 

My favourite number since I could remember 

Now ours, was ours 

Now it’s just mine again 

I can’t recall a single time you let me down 

But I can remember the times I let you fall 

Your love felt so good 

I’m in town and I wish I could call

I wish you’d call 

There it is again

You were good, I don’t even know you now 

I hope you’re still good, I hope you’re still the boy your mom raised 

I hope your cheeks still blush 

Your humble heart, is it still there 

Just lay it all out

I wanna know

I wanna know why

I wanna know every thought you’ve ever had

I just found our old texts and I can’t help but feel sorry for myself 

Or is it you I feel sorry for 

I just can’t figure this out 

My dreams don’t help 

 

 

 

Bitter berries or strawberries 

There’s this song I listen to 

Just to feel close to you 

Played it ten times just today 

You seem to visit me in my dreams

Now I sing it, I’m practicing 

So I can sing the ones I write for you 

You’re sweet like the juice of a strawberry running down my chin in the summer time

I’m bitter like the berries on the tree that you’re not supposed to eat 

All our old messages are gone

Time took them away 

It’s probably for the best anyway 

The tension 

Chocolate wafers 

You and me 

I can’t stop why are you still haunting me

Unresolved 

Unsolved 

Strawberries we never made it to summer 

Here I am wanting your protection when I never gave you mine 

Wanting your permission to give you the affection you never withheld from me 

Bitter berries 

You only cried when your grandpa died 

I cry almost everyday 

I took that away 

You cried for me 

How could that be 

How could I be 

This way for you 

 

 

 

Window

Sun shining on my skin I don’t even know what time it is

Your windows they have no curtains

So the sun can hit my skin, I’ll just lay here with the feeling of your skin 

It’s safe here and I don’t wanna leave 

So I’ll just pretend to sleep

Maybe I’ll just stay here, and tell nobody

I’m laying on the left you’re laying on my right

I can’t fall asleep cause I’m already in a dream 

But why doesn’t it always feel like this, why can’t you be perfect cause you are perfect just not for me 

But that doesn’t cross my mind now and this moment could last a lifetime and I wouldn’t mind 

I don’t think I’d notice 

I can’t feel anything yet I can feel everything and I’ve never felt this before 

But nothing crosses my mind now only you and the sun around my skin 

When we smoke you always fall asleep 

I pretend to mind but I’ll just watch you sleep 

What time is it, maybe 6pm 

I won’t ask and I’ll try and forget I can’t stay the night

It all changes when the sun stops touching my skin 

Didn’t think that till now 

Oh how I think of you and the way I fit in your body 

How you caress me so innocently 

Your chest a place for my head

While I think of nothing for the first time 

I wanna feel you and the sun once again 

 

 

 

Kiss 

Can’t bring myself to kiss you, so I won’t 

I’ll just sit here with the taste of salt on my lips while yours are on another 

Wait till you’re ready when I’ve always been 

But I don’t know, day by day I am less than sure 

Sure of you, I’m slowly moving on 

But I’m not 

So come here before it’s too late

But it’ll never be too late, too late for you 

Maybe it’s me, the one waiting

I’m holding out, I know 

Cause touch, it scares me

Not yours, but the hands that didn’t have permission 

They still hunt me 

I don’t know what’s true 

What did he do

I’m still punished for something I didn’t do, I can’t even be with you 

My hands the only ones I trust, and that’s taken years

You’ve affected all of my relationships, and I’m just now taking notice 

We were just kids, I don’t even remember how old 

And I’m too afraid to ask

To think, it’s all blocked out

Now back to who I want to be

Your mom, she says she’s missing me 

 

 

 

The memories 

It’s February 14th, I don’t care but I still almost texted you 

She thought I said your name but I was just talking about something mundane 

Why do I still care, I can never let go of anything I’ve touched 

Not even once, it’s too much

I can’t explain why you’re still in my mind 

I think I can only remember who you used to be but you’re so different now 

Would I even recognize your speech 

Sometimes I just want to hear you speak 

Tell me I’m good and that I’ll be okay 

I knew we’d never last, we just wouldn’t make sense 

Don’t worry darling 

You’d know what to say 

You know what I mean when I say the things I say 

But it felt good knowing you so I thought that had to mean something 

I guess it didn’t mean enough 

Do you still think of me when the light hits your skin 

Anamnesis

Maybe you don’t remember but I do

Or maybe it didn’t stand out to you 

I wanna know what’s in your head, why have you changed in such a disappointing way 

They say it was me who made you change but that’s not fair 

I’m only telling you what I thought was true 

I know you’ll always think of me cause she never lets you forget 

Which is not normal cause why does she compare herself to me 

The first time I felt like a girl was in your space 

Now I have to learn to forget how to feel in your place 

But how can I forget when the closure still hasn’t hit 

I can’t let go till I know you’re happy

Or am I waiting for me 

I don’t even love you 

It makes me sick how vulnerable I have to be in order to love somebody 

Maybe that’s why I fucked it up over and over again 

I still need to get my hair done 

I try to keep myself for calling you 

You could call me someday and I think you might 

I hope you might 

I hope 

I hope 

I hope you could let me know

I have our pictures deleted but their still downloaded 

Will you ever be gone 

Or will I redownload the pictures 

I think you’ll stay deleted 

But I’ll never be so sure to delete you from my downloads 

I’ll always have the memories of you 

I hope we run into each other some day and it be okay 

 

 

 

Your man 

You stop, I tie your shoe 

I can’t do anything, now I pee like a man

You’d point out anything to make me feel bad

One day you love me, the next you hate my very being

I love the way you hate me, I must cause I never leave 

You tell me you love me, but I think I love you differently 

I wanted to be your woman, I wanted to be your man 

I wanted to be someone you’d love and understand 

I’d be whatever you wanted me to be, a fish or a servant of your love 

All you would’ve had to do is ask 

Remember when I used to chew your gum, it was too spicy for you

Apples, they were too hard for you to bite into 

So I’d always start them off for you 

I still think of your sweet voice and how you did your hair, but I’ll tie my hands to a post before I reach for yours again 

Cause my wounds are still healing 

Because even when I hated you, I still loved you 

Maybe I always will 

And sometimes I hate myself for that 

Tell me, Rosie

Did you love me 

 

 

 

Winter dew

Do you think about me 

Cause I still think of you 

In the cold winter dew

My mind goes to you 

We used to talk and you would say all the right things 

Not to get what you want but to ease my pain 

The tension between us, why do your lips feel different 

Will I always think of you in the cold winter dew 

Or will there be a day where I think of you for the last time 

I can’t see it, I don’t feel it 

Tell me you still love me

Did you ever

They said you did 

I’m selfish and I don’t care 

I want to hear you say it 

Feel your hands on me again

I wake up sick, bile in my stomach 

I wanna love you like I mean it 

But I can’t 

Or could I 

I didn’t then but could I now 

Do you think about me 

Cause I still think of you 

In the cold winter dew

My mind goes to you 

I wanna hear you 

I wanna see you the way I knew you 

Who are you 

You’ve made some bad mistakes 

But I don’t care 

Why don’t I care 

I have to stop myself from texting you 

Talk myself down 

Cause it’s not just an innocent text 

I wanna know you 

How are you

Why can’t I get you out of my mind 

Will I always think of you in the cold winter dew 

Or will there be a day where I think of you for the last time 

I can’t see it, I don’t feel it 

Winter it reminds me of you 

But so do pearls and the scent of you 

Remember when you got your mom to buy it 

The backs of my eyelids bring you to me at night 

I wake up with you and then your gone 

You were never there 

You are not mine and you haven’t been 

But I can still feel the warmth of your skin 

Your hands so innocent and kind 

I look back and smile, why wasn’t I smiling then

I’m selfish and I can’t stop 

I want you 

But I don’t know what for 

Or do I 

How awful do I sound 

How could I know 

I was so young then 

I still remember the creases on your skin 

 

 

 

Didn’t mean to make you blue 

They said you were a nice guy, who wore his heart on his sleeve 

And oh they were right 

I guess they didn’t think 

When they told you I was oh so sweet 

Cause now those eyes are blue, oh so blue 

Didn’t mean to make you cry, didn’t mean to make you blue 

Now you’re a holding your heart out all alone in this cold February snow 

Oh you’re so blue baby blue 

And I’m so cold, I am cold 

I’d like to say I could love you but that just ain’t the truth 

I don’t mean to hurt you but they say I did 

So now I’m here lookin’ tired and so cold, I am cold 

I can’t say I didn’t know you’d cry but that doesn’t mean I meant for you to 

Let me shelter your heart from this pain but I can’t because my touch makes it go grey 

I wish I could love you but you know I can’t 

Do you even care, cause I think you’d hurt yourself to be loved 

Just to be loved by me

You’d wait even if it made you cry 

And that makes me wanna lie 

Cause your friends said you had love in your eyes 

And that sure scared any love I had in me 

So I’d just say, well I gotta leave 

They said you’d changed and that was because of me 

I won’t lie, I was as light as a feather till I took a look in your eyes 

Took a look in those eyes 

Oh those eyes 

Those eyes were blue, baby blue 

Didn’t mean to make you cry, didn’t mean to make you blue 

Now you’re a holding your heart out all alone in this cold February snow 

Oh you’re so blue baby blue 

And I’m so cold I am cold 

He’d only ever cried bout his grandpa on that day 

Now I’m makin’ him cry 

How could it be this way 

How could I be so cruel 

Just tell me this once, do you still think of me in that bitter old way

Cause I didn’t think you’d be so blue oh so blue 

Forgive me I have cried tears that should’ve been for you 

My mind was elsewhere and I couldn’t love you 

 

 

 

 

Tell me Rosie 

I wanted to be yours 

I wanted to be your women I wanted to be your man I wanted to be someone to you so I could love again 

I don’t really know, I still don’t 

But maybe, I don’t wanna 

Because how could I love you 

When you hate me so

Tell me, Rosie why are you so mean 

Tell me, Rosie how you hate me 

Tell me, Rosie do you still love me 

Her fists hurt all while I’m bleeding and bruised

But tell me, Rosie do you still love me 

I really wanna know 

Because I used to play breakup songs to get over you 

And now how pathetic do I seem 

You were supposed to be my friend, the one to hold me tight

And sometimes you did but did you do it out of spite

Your love manipulates me, and I think you knew

I think you could love me, in fact I think you did 

But how could I say that when we were just friends 

Tell me, Rosie why are you so mean 

Tell me, Rosie how do you hate me 

Tell me, Rosie do you still love me 

I still think of your sweet voice and how you did your hair, but I’ll tie my hands to a post before I reach for yours 

Because even when I hated you, I still loved you 

Maybe I always will 

And sometimes I hate myself for that 

Tell me, Rosie

Did you love me 

 

 

 

 

 

Tomorrow 

I don’t wanna fall asleep

Cause then I’ll wake up to tomorrow 

And tomorrow

It’s true 

I’ll cry in silence 

I’ll hide it from you, the best I can 

And when they ask, cause they will 

I’ll say, it’ll be okay 

It settles them, and they’ll leave me be 

I want them to stay, but I’ll push them away 

All but a few, she is my moon 

Knowledge, it becomes my crutch

My body is lifeless but still moving

I can feel everyone’s everything, it’s all too much

I feel pity, but this time it’s towards myself  I’ll break upon a single touch, I can’t be bothered with the thought 

My pride, it’s shot 

It’ll be alright

It’ll be alright 

My ritual is that

But then it’s tomorrow 

And oh, it’s never been further from alright 

There’s nothing to do, so I’ll guilt trip myself into the blues 

So it’ll be alright, oh it’ll be alright 

Well, she’ll be quite blue all too soon 

Deep breaths, that’s what they taught me 

So, I’ll hold on tight and fight for what seems to be my life 

I want to relinquish my responsibilities

So I can be left alone, but all I feel is lonely and all less whole 

I can’t tell if it’s bad this time, or what this really is

But shit, I’m ready to quit 

It just doesn’t seem to make any sense 

It’s me and my fragile mind

Waiting for tomorrow 

Oh tomorrow 

 

 

 

 

 

Paralyzed 

I feel paralyzed, motionless or rather unable to move 

Every breath I take, every move I make, every thought I think is being analyzed by an external observer that is not me but is in my brain 

It’s anxiety 

That’s the diagnosis 

That’s the word 

It’s all too simple 

I can’t live without the definition that defines me 

My compulsory number is three 

One 

Two 

Three 

And I’ll be free 

Until the next 

Thoughts, they’re dangerous and conniving

Memories, they’re sweet but all too deceiving

I can’t escape them, can’t escape me

 

 

 

 

 

Skin and bones

Skin and bones, they won’t say it 

But that I am 

Like clockwork, it’s muscle memory 

Every morning is the same 

When I tell my story

Doctors, they pity me

Their brows furrow, and their eyes drift

Not much to say 

But much to see

Hip bones, ribs and all 

Anxiety is a battle within itself 

I’m not anxious but my brain is

I can’t control myself 

It’s just another day, but still I run to the bathroom 

Maybe once, or maybe even twice 

I don’t want to, but it’s bound to happen 

I can’t see, it’s all misery

I can’t live like this, I feel like a prodigy

I’m much too weak, not at all whole

I feel like a bag of bones 

I’m much too tired and worn 

I’m too young to know what’s in my head 

Confession after concession

I’m crazy, I just don’t want to know it 

Perfect, I want to know it 

I’ll say, I’ll be okay 

But I’m silently screaming

Please help me 

I just don’t want to say it